Glue

Holding steady, ready
you are the unintended dart on the bar floor,
that golden pool being licked by all those strangers soles,
waiting there to be picked up, up, up,
between the ceiling and the floor,
a cellar door and a corridor,
mindlessly kissing,
then throwing up all that remains,
from the third floor,
vodka and rum doesn't mix well,
hell, hold tight to this joint and let your head spin,
that circle of smiles half-cocked and slanted,
planted like a shrub, rub, rub, rub,
blam!
It find's itself somewhere between here and there,
that bullseye, but I don't win,
instead stagger down Xi'an streets,
on cloud ten, when all the sheets rip,
heart thumps in the throat, imagining
what number one feels like,
dancing three steps hazily,
stomach lurching on to tomorrow's cares,
da, da, da, dandy handy dandy handy
enough said,
let's go to bed,
maybe pillows can comfort
my heavy head.

Walkin' and Talkin' Under the Red Sun part 5

Li’shan was where a friend and I ventured to last weekend. We got driven there by a car; the ride being two hours long, and the view during was well worth it. China’s countryside is simply stunning. It being such a marvelous day did help as the landscape was preen, shinning, and fluorescent. We passed a large lake that gleamed with a pale glow, stretched out endlessly with mountain tops and canyons and town etched silently under them. The road there was pretty barren which was good since our driver didn’t seem to be keen on the rules of the road, nor are any drivers here, which I will discuss later. We passed many tiny villages, saw boats docked awaiting the morning catch, and pedestrians wandering in the streets not going anywhere in particular. We then took a curving road that hugged mountain after mountain, going higher with no guardrail at the edges, nothing but a long dive into the ground. The mountains all were an ocher, shrouded by a light mist, with a bit of algae crumbling off the sides. Some of their peeks were sharp like javelins, while others sloped off like gentle waves. You couldn’t help but smile at the scene of treading through the twists and turns, sometimes having to stop to move displaced rocks that damper the road. The air was crisp, a cold gale sung as it whipped around the mountain tops, and some birds played catch overhead. We then got there.

It was more of a walk than a climb, but we didn’t mind—me especially since my ankle still ached. We started on planks down a prairie path, the thick grass grabbing our feet as we walked, and a few large boulders rested in particular points around us. We were high, noticing valleys receding below us, and more mountains obliquely, looming and sharp. We stopped now and again to just be engulfed by warbles of nature that peppers the ambiance; crows cawing, trees brushing, rocks sliding, and wings flapping. We kept walking, at first still in the open, climbing on rocks, letting our eyes vanish into this and that, then we got encompassed by trees, low at first, but then growing tall, so tall they covered the light coming in, with it cascading down like cool beams. We decided to traverse off the trail into the thicket and find a place to rest and eat. Brushing off the branches, brushing our knees on the dirt, and keeping our eyes forward we found an open spot to rest. I ate first, munching on a large piece of bread I brought and drinking some water while he slumbered behind me, I then slanted oblique on the grassy patch.

I didn’t think I slept, or, well I was in that stasis between consciousness and subconscious with my mind floating into the in-between while the noises surrounding me painted my mind. There were many nice colors, endless blues that sailed through the sky, jade greens that flowed forever at your feet, and the purple nothingness that is sprinkled with sparks that last for eternity. It’s nice being in such place alone with your thoughts since those thoughts are only beautiful, why live in the scorn and the hate, since what’s beautiful is what really matters.

We got up after an hour and kept on the trail. We reached a path that featured jagged trees curving like witch fingers and their branches spindly reach out every way. It looked like an old haunted forest with soft thin leaves that we ran down as the path lead. Our last monument was a gap between two mountains that was bridged by millions of large rocks and a rock path that lead you to the other side. And of course we jumped from rock to rock instead of taking the path. Some Chinese people met us on eventually on the other side, staring at us like all do, and began asking us the common questions are lives here have been filled with. The way back was treacherous, us not realizing how far we have gone and how far up we had to go back. When we got back we decided to walk a bit to the other peak nearby just to look out. He started to climb a boulder in the background. I merely collapsed on a rock lying below it, recollecting, admiring, and enjoying everything that has brought me to this point in my life.

Judge and Execution

The murky and damp courtroom is big enough to seat four, the judge rustles his gown awaiting for the plaintive to began, her lawyer is a polished rationalist in a suit and tie, slick back hair, and pacing confidently in front of the podium. She is teary-eyed, doubt rings on her primrose cheeks, as her brown eyes scan the nothingness in the air. "She was left alone your honor," the lawyer begins, manically raising his hand at the empty seat where the guilty party is suppose to reside, "She wept and lamented in his arms on their final day and was heart broken to the brink of insanity, and he did nothing to help her," she starts to cry as the memory attacks her, forcing her to cringe, "And then, after a month of being separated, he has the gall to attempt to get back with her," the lawyers voice rings through the barren courtroom stirring the judge, "Why, all of a sudden does he state he loves her, I will tell you why, it's because he is alone, afraid, and affected by the sudden change in his life, not really caring for my clients sympathies," the judge nods his head as the lawyer offers him documents, "If you would kindly read these notes, here it clearly states my clients constant attempts at yielding a response from him telling him she loved him, which he neglected to respond to till they parted ways," she wipes away the tears as the heat from the room builds like a bonfire, her skin starts to harden, "If you look at the next page you can see that he wasn't the best boyfriend, when they were together, constantly making her do things, arguing with her, putting her down, poking fun at the things she did, he has nothing to say to himself, obviously, since he is not present," she shakes her head at the thoughts, they must be true she says, they must be, if he loved me, he would have been there, suddenly a loud banging from the wooden doors in the back, he busts through as the judge brings down his gavel like a snare, he is out of breath and crying, "What is going on!?" he shouts, spotting his love who stunned but not flinching, "Your honor I would like to strike anything he says from the record," the lawyer quickly fumbles, "Bullshit! How can you talk about us without me here? Shouldn't I get a say? Shouldn't you hear my side?" he states in a gasp, "Your side is meaningless, the only important matter at hand is to relieve my client of the pain you caused her," the judge again nods absently, she is fiddling with her finger, glancing down, not able to look at him, "I didn't mean to do that, it...it was just what happened, I needed time to know, to really know how I felt, is that wrong, is that wrong!?" he attempts to speak to her directly but the lawyer shrouds him, guards him from her, "Not knowing makes us question whether what you say is true or not, since if you did love her you would have stood with her, been with her, done all you can to not let her go, but you left her alone, in pain, dwelling by herself thinking about you everyday," he staggers, but gets his footing once again, "What do you think I have been going through, it isn't as though this has been easy for me, I'm in a new world, new place, with new people, I didn't know if I would be able to commit to her, to you, I had to be sure, I had to stop thinking with my mind and listen to my heart, you have to believe me," he keeps trying to speak around the lawyer, but the lawyer is to encompassing, he can't speak to her directly, "With your heart! My client has been speaking with only that for so long, she is now fed up, she is done, she doesn't believe a word of this dribble, it's all over, you have to move on," he falls again to his knees, weakly, his stomach churns and aches, a deep pang is felt, he is exhausted, he grabs on to a nearby table for support, "See your honor, he isn't able to stand the truth, my client is through, she has tried and tried to be with him, love him, cherish him, and all he has done is spit in her face, she deserves--" he punches the lawyer, knocking him out of the way, running to her, holding her hand, her eyes are sharp but staring away from him, "I love you, I do, and I want to be with you, that is the honest truth, all the things that have happened to us will only make us stronger, yeah we had our troubles, but so does everyone, can't you look passed that? I remember the last time we spoke you said you loved me, we listened to each other breathe, wasn't that real? I know you still love me, but were hurt by what I did, more than I can imagine, and I'm sorry, that is all I can say, I'm sorry, you wanted to be with me before, so I don't know what changed, please, tell me, what changed, what has happened, I will do everything, anything to be with you, just let me in," he ululates but his words have met a brick wall, not chipping it, she is stone-faced, nothing but hate is seen in her reflection, "You are only looking at the good things, you are living in the past, you are alone and scared, you don't really love me, you love the idea of me," she spouts still not giving him her eyes, her words cut him, "What were the bad? Where you not happy!?Tell me, so I know. I'm not in love with an idea, I'm in love with you and only you, you for who you are, not who you were, what can I say to prove that to you? Look at me" she keeps her eyes on the lawyer as if speaking with his mouth, "All this is just fantasy, you didn't treat me right, we had so many deeper issues that grew and grew, nothing but resentment," "I don't resent you and never have, and all these issues are unknown to me, what are they, what?" he keeps trying to glance into her eyes, but they are not hers anymore, she has been beguiled, too many jackals whispering in her ears, he sees that she has morphed into them, into those cold emotionless beings that soothe the pain, "You creep me out, you have to move on," she burns, still not peering at him, he is stunted, taken-back, halted in his tracks, his mouth gaped like a bass, two officers grab him by the arms and carry him away forcefully, the lawyer smiles cynically, brushing his hair back, she doesn't offer him one last look, shuttering, gazing down at the immense nothingness at her feet.

Anger/Hate/Love

It can nullify all that pain seeping into your pores,
even though it brings others pain,
It can make sense all the mysterious and illnesses,
even though it isn't a lasting remedy,
It can force hate upon something you truly love,
even though you honestly care for them,
It's easier than living within the doubt,
even though it's beguiling,
It's only a step away from losing all that you hold dear,
even though you fear the outcome,
It's what they say is the best way to deal with the game,
even though they themselves were put to shame,
It's appealing, yes, but lest we forget,
how intense it is,
since you must have some great feelings,
in order to be able to bestow
such great pain.

Phantoms

Mountains swing by like waves, drifting carelessly on the road,
eye's fixated on the dimming twilight,
mirages that touch skin cold but real,
peel back clouds to reveal emptiness,
or infinity.

Hand is clenched to mimic that love that soothed to sleep,
parallel in body, but folded into each soul,
divided by space, but united by mind,
held breathe paints landscapes in gold,
or black.

Endless bubbles float helplessly with different scenes,
pestered and assaulted by time,
gripped at the throat by one's self,
fall back into your own heart where it is warm
and smile.